My sheets look like a crime scene.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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