Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
