That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
