those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize