True but thats because hes a fetus.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
