Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize