Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
