Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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