new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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