So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
