i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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