Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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