Betty ford says i'm here all night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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