I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
