I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
