I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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