We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
