I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
