Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
