why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
