he puts the penis in happiness.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
