Don't make out with my wife yet
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
