Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
