Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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