he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
