just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
