you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
