I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
