all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
