3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
