Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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