youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
