I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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