i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
