I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
