I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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