Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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