I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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