So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
