he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize