Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
