he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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