i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
