Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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