i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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