tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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