Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize