don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
