we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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