But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
