what day is it and did you see me today?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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