Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
