I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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