I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
