I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
