God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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