As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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