Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sext me about skeletons
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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