end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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