My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
