the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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