u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
