4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Vodka?
Forever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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