Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
