also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
