Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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