someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
