this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
