Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize