how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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